Army Wife

Did you know I'm an Army Wife?  There are so many stereotypes associated with the term.  And I fit almost none of them...for which, on the whole, I'm thankful.  But as you might imagine, it was with a bit of trepidation that I entered the world of the Army Wife Socials.

My initiation, dinner with the Battalion Commander's wife, was a blessedly simple, low-key affair.  Having been raised in a good southern household, I knew to bring a small hostess/thank you gift (Godiva hot chocolate mix), dress appropriately, and show up on time, not early.  My not knowing how to navigate the strangely-numbered, inexplicably dead-ending streets of the on-post housing made sure of that last one, but I was only two or three minutes late--still within the window of acceptability.  When Marli answered the door in jeans, announced that her oldest daughter was changing out of her gymnastics clothes but would be with us shortly, and brought out a big pot of pizza soup, I began to feel much more at ease.  We chit chatted a bit, then talked shop; not only am I an official Army Wife, I am also the Company Family Readiness Group Leader, and since I've only been an Army Wife for a few months and have never been a part of an FRG, I needed help.  Marli was great, repeatedly saying things like, "There are not huge expectations on you for this--just do what you can do" and "let me know how I can help".  Hooray!

Event two, a luncheon, was less personal but more awkward.  The Armed Forces Spouses Club of Korea is a serious affair.  There are multiple Volunteers Of The Month, numerous committees, and all kinds of work to be done.  There are also several Generals' wives, all of whom (as far as I can tell) hold some flavor of supervisory office.  These women may not wear the rank on their collars, but don't be fooled--there is definitely a hierarchy here, it's just harder to figure out.  Since I came with Marli, I was allowed to sit with the "field grade" officer wife set--mostly Majors/Lieutenant Colonel type wives.  I recognized exactly one other woman--the wife of Mike's Battalion Commander in Germany (who had, on the occasion I met her, been called "a real b****y hag", but turned out to be a very nice retired Lieutenant Colonel).  I thought I might get a chance to say hello and introduce myself--her husband apparently thinks very highly of my sweet soldier (and rightly so!), and I was curious how she had adapted to the Army Wife life after herself being in uniform.  But she was seated at the Generals' Wives' table.  Oh well.  Lunch was fine, the speaker (3rd generation American-in-Korea, who runs a medical charity and has made several trips to North Korea) was good.  But when someone got an award for answering her email in a timely manner and attending a last-minute meeting on a Saturday, and when the lady running the show announced to the room that her mind just wasn't on business, since her daughter's gerbil had died, and she couldn't stop thinking about the little guy, and she had to tell her daughter when she got home from school...hmm.  I don't mean to be harsh--I think these ladies are probably very nice, and this organization probably does a lot of good.  My life is just different, is all.

Last night was my third Army Wife social event--a coffee at the Brigade Commander's Wife's house.  Having become slightly more familiar withe post housing, I wasn't nervous about finding the place.  I was a bit...not nervous exactly, but wanting to make a good impression.  The invite said to bring an ornament under $7 to swap; since everyone shops at the post exchange, I wanted to buy an ornament off post.  I had intended to find a beautiful Korean handicraft, but the night of the fake Christmas tree shopping expedition I ran out of time before I finding something perfect (I've explained to you my exasperating shopping habits).  I did, however, find appropriately cute Christmas wrapping paper.  So I pulled out a glass ornament that I bought in Bahrain on a port call, put it in a cute box that had originally contained Chinese tea, and wrapped it in the cute Christmas tree paper--all the while feeling a little nervous that I hadn't found that lovely and unique handicraft.  But there was nothing I could do about it at that point.

Having read the "Company Commander's Spouse Survival Guide", completed level I and II of the "Army Family Team Building" online training, and perused www.marriedtothearmy.com, I knew that coffees--an Army Wife tradition--are social gatherings usually hosted by the Senior Spouse.  I had to refer back to the "Company Commander's Spouse Survival Guide" to find that dress is "casual".  So I popped on my blue Ann Taylor sweater dress (which brings me happy thoughts of the night my sweet husband proposed) and new black boots, made sure a coworker was going to cover the first hour or so of my shift, and headed off to post housing.  Only to be greeted at the door by two ladies in jeans.  Sigh.  And again, only one person I recognized in the room.  And I was the lowest-ranking Wife.  And--remember, I'm working nights and had just woken up--no coffee!  What kind of a coffee doesn't have coffee?!  But I am a southern woman by birth, and I can chit chat with just about anyone when the occasion arises, so it was going to be ok.  And truthfully, I had fun.  The ladies were cute and very nice, I was able to find a beverage suitable for pre-shift consumption and someone to chit chat with, and best of all--my ornament was "ooohh"ed and "ahhh"ed over.

And I was able to leave gracefully after the ornament exchange to go to work.